Embrace the Value of Meaningful Self-talk

Self-talk is an under-utilized tactic for many of us….

A few years ago, after almost 20 years of marriage, my husband and I separated. Over the next few years,, we navigated a mediation and a final divorce decree that happened on our 23rd wedding anniversary–that’s just where it landed on the court’s calendar.

I was teaching Bible study on a regular basis and involved in music ministry at my church. He served in other areas of ministry. It was natural to question how our marriage failure would look to every one around us.

More importantly, however, I struggled with what it meant to God (and me personally) to fail in my marriage. What did it say about my own walk with Christ? And, what did it signal to our children?

On the journey…

I learned the value of meaningful self-talk. Along the way, a friend who navigated her own marriage challenges, commented that she perceived me as very composed during the trial. I was quick to share with her it was God‘s grace that helped me weather all of the storms associated with the journey–doubt,, grief, disappointment, hurt,  guilt, and shame.

I embraced early the value of encouraging myself from God’s Word even amid my tears. I tried to be intentional about remembering His promises to me. Often, I just declared to myself who He says I am in Christ and what my subsequent choices should look like.

What I grew to understand is the incredible value of relying on Scripture to encourage and drive my self-talk. I had to choose to not be angry, bitter, resentful, vindictive or unforgiving. I had to trust the Lord would take care of me and my family. Then, I had to turn those musings and choices– those thought processes– into action!

Sometimes action looked like replacing invasive negative thoughts with the truth of the Word and heart gratitude.  Frankly, that initially took the form of a personal Bible study about forgiveness following divorce.

Sometimes it meant riding  the waves of grief over a broken covenant, broken relationship, and the subsequent emotional consequences on my family. A friend who is a Stephen Ministry counselor shared a Bible study on grief, which I read to help with the wounded emotions that overwhelmed me.

Sometimes it was the honorable choice of thanking God for His faithfulness and care in the midst of disappointing circumstances. It meant asking myself the question  a friend often asks: “When has God not taken care of you?” My answer is always the same: “He’s never not taken care of me.”

My own choices were important as I walked out a new life journey…

I wasn’t prepared to act like a victim or lament that something had been “done to me”. God had been too faithful to all of us–even in a marriage that failed. God was and is still good, and everything He does is good.

In the midst of intentional self-talk, it’s important to emphasize that God’s Word was a great source of encouragement to me. Ultimately, it was His repeated “I love you” throughout the storms that reminded my heart where home is. In the midst of one of the most discouraging seasons of my life, God continually reminded me of how unfailing His love for me is.I’m grateful for His goodness, and I choose to be thoughtful about how I will think on these things.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. (Phil 4:8 ESV)

What story are you telling yourself?

Stay close to Him. Live beautiful,

Marvita